Money matters remain one of the most dreaded topics of discussion in relationships. Couples become even more comfortable to know if there isn’t enough of it. Sometimes, the partners could also be embarrassed about their inability to provide. In other cases, it might be to avoid arguments which, when aired out and resolved immediately, actually strengthen the relationship. You just need to learn a lot about how to talk to your spouse about money. Couple’s finances are a concern we wish to help you make some sense of if you’re in the position of arguing about money with your partner. It could be in the form of a slight misunderstanding or a full-blown daily argument. Whatever it is, I want to give you some Intel on how to deal with money issues in a relationship without pulling each other’s hairs out.
1. Be a team
Being a couple already makes your team. So, as a team, working together toward solving the problems in your relationship is what you should not neglect. This act also applies to solve money related problems too. In a team, members brainstorm, give inputs, and put effort into making sure the team stays healthy, even amidst heated arguments and disagreements. You and your partner should develop the habits of having an equal contribution to your finances. If this is impossible, work out something that won’t make the other person providing the most significant percentage feel burdened. Create a budget at the beginning of each month and try not to go beyond it without informing your partner since it involves both your money. Have some personal funds too apart from couples’ finances, and use that as the primary source for your spending. Money issues in relationships shouldn’t be the reason you lose the love of your life. Be a team player, and make sure your partner is too!
2. Budgeting together
Constructing or deciding on a budget or a financial plan as a couple can prove to be a complicated process, especially if you are a new couple. Get ready to make compromises and spend more on your partner than even yourself because your partner needs it more. Know your financial capabilities and plan in that regard. Don’t overshoot. Budgeting should be down with careful planning too. Couples and money did see eye to eye sometimes.
3. Respect each other’s opinion
In my opinion, respect is the bedrock of any relationship. Once this is absent, the disrespected person begins to feel resentment towards the disrespectful person, and everything begins to fall out of place. So, are you an accountant with 12 years’ experience? Is a partner an artist? Do you think your different fields of specialization makes one person better at one thing than the other person? Yes? You’re right. This fact, however, should not give room to contempt. As an “experienced accountant,” you might be amazed that your partner who isn’t would know certain things about finance that you have never imagined. Study shows that people get financial traits from their parents, background, and Society. Those factors can’t be infused in an educational system, can they? Consider those and put yourself in your partner’s shoes too. Learn to ask ‘why” and not ‘just” what. Why does your partner want a spa visit every weekend? Why does your partner want to donate to charity continually? Ask why and try to resolve those money conflicts immediately based on the response.
4. Seek professional help
So, this is an option not only to be considered when things are almost or totally out of hand. Expert advice could also be sought immediately; couples decide to be financially codependent. See it like reading the manuals of an appliance that you just bought. Not only would it deter financial conflicts that may arise, but it also exposes you to financial strategies to which were previously unaware. No! Couples go for counseling all the time and usually get the issues resolved. In many cases, they even find out that all that was ‘wrong” were mere. A third neutral would point this out pretty fast. Please, note that professional help would not immediately clear your financial-related problems. Nevertheless, it is a step towards achieving a total resolution regarding how to not fight about money. Both you and your partner should be dedicated and engage yourselves reading dating subreddit to get useful tips. If not, I hate to break it to you that she would only be wasting your time and money.
5. Forgive past mistakes and prevent future ones
So, did your partner buy some new shoes? Did s/he pay for an extravagant vacation? Did s/he donate the money you were supposed to use to pay part of your student loan to charity? Did s/he even buy a whole house without your consent? Did it drive you crazy? Did it make you lose your trust in him or her? Did it make you make a vow never to form a joint financial plan with them (which, by the way, is next to impossible) ever again?
Well, you have two choices on what to do. I won’t mention the first one, but the second is for you to forgive that (or those) past mistake(s) and prevent future ones. How? Talk and follow it up with several other talks. Your first talk should be about what your partner did and why. You are pissed, I know. However, if you’re willing to talk, you should be equally as willing to listen. Next, you want to state EXACTLY how the decision has affected you and made you feel. After this, listen to their reaction. If they genuinely apologize and are genuinely sorry, you accept their apology. Remember that they have to take responsibility for their actions. So, the next pay for your student loan is coming out of their pocket. It is also fine if you think otherwise and decides to bear the burdens together. For richer, for poorer, right? Relationships only survive for a long time or forever when they stay through thick and thin. Go for it!
Remember to try to think from your partner’s perspective to see where he or she is coming from because that might help you understand things better. Take time to listen to your partner. In summary, be open-minded and don’t take the mentality of knowing better into managing both your finances as a couple. Remember the background of parental and societal differences? Money issues in relationships are bound to come up, so, doesn’t keep arguing over money all the time. If you are willing to save your relationship, take note of these pointers above.